Unresolved
I really don't do New Year resolutions. But this year I had a stupid, irritating nag behind my thoughts, whispering "New year. New start" or something like that
I contacted as many people as I could and said Happy New Year or Meilleurs Voeux depending on which language I was speaking, but the nag was still there.
So we discussed the idea of raising the amount of exercise we do from just above 0, to an hour a week.
“And I could do with toning my arms up”, I admitted to Dave who, after Ahem years of marriage, kept his face neutral, (this is since long, long, long time ago when he once said “yes it looks very nice” and I accused him of saying what I wanted to hear but with the wrong expression on his face), and said “I have no opinion whatsoever”, he says this is his defense mechanism as he is living with crazy-woman.
Cleared out every cupboard and finally unearthed Dave’s dumbbells. They weigh 3 kilos each and I nearly pulled muscle in shoulder just getting them downstairs. Found a video on YouTube where nice, very toned lady said I would have beach-bare arms in 6 weeks.
Cooool I thought. It’s only a short video and she’s doing very well. Watched it through while dipping into barn-door sized box of chocolates. Then had to wait 15 minutes or so for chocolate to digest. Didn't want to risk heartburn now did I?
Now repeat each exercise 10 times . . . (grunt) ONE (grunt) . . . maybe it was just one time?
Replayed video, no definitely 10. These are really, very heavy I whimpered, but I managed 4 times with dumbbells and 6 without for the first exercise.
“Don't get discouraged now”. I reassured myself. “That’s what the nice YouTube lady said”.
Second exercise. Raise both arms above head while holding the weights crossed over. Then dip weights behind head and back.
Couldn’t hold them very well for the dip bit and so kept hitting myself on the back of the head.
Realised I was risking concussion and thought an intellect as fine as mine should not be endangered.
“Buy lighter dumbbells". I wrote on the chalkboard the kitchen.
“Maybe I should try starting smaller”, I said “like with 2 pencils and I could add bits of putty for extra weight”.
I contacted as many people as I could and said Happy New Year or Meilleurs Voeux depending on which language I was speaking, but the nag was still there.
So we discussed the idea of raising the amount of exercise we do from just above 0, to an hour a week.
“And I could do with toning my arms up”, I admitted to Dave who, after Ahem years of marriage, kept his face neutral, (this is since long, long, long time ago when he once said “yes it looks very nice” and I accused him of saying what I wanted to hear but with the wrong expression on his face), and said “I have no opinion whatsoever”, he says this is his defense mechanism as he is living with crazy-woman.
Cleared out every cupboard and finally unearthed Dave’s dumbbells. They weigh 3 kilos each and I nearly pulled muscle in shoulder just getting them downstairs. Found a video on YouTube where nice, very toned lady said I would have beach-bare arms in 6 weeks.
Cooool I thought. It’s only a short video and she’s doing very well. Watched it through while dipping into barn-door sized box of chocolates. Then had to wait 15 minutes or so for chocolate to digest. Didn't want to risk heartburn now did I?
Now repeat each exercise 10 times . . . (grunt) ONE (grunt) . . . maybe it was just one time?
Replayed video, no definitely 10. These are really, very heavy I whimpered, but I managed 4 times with dumbbells and 6 without for the first exercise.
“Don't get discouraged now”. I reassured myself. “That’s what the nice YouTube lady said”.
Second exercise. Raise both arms above head while holding the weights crossed over. Then dip weights behind head and back.
Couldn’t hold them very well for the dip bit and so kept hitting myself on the back of the head.
Realised I was risking concussion and thought an intellect as fine as mine should not be endangered.
“Buy lighter dumbbells". I wrote on the chalkboard the kitchen.
Dave suggested I try tins of beans. “They're about 500 grams each”.
"And" He continued warming to the idea "You could work up to a Jack Russel in each hand. Minnie and Max weigh about 9 kilos each and the harnesses would be great for picking them up by".
I was doubtful.“Maybe I should try starting smaller”, I said “like with 2 pencils and I could add bits of putty for extra weight”.
We have recumbent bikes which we use a LOT in the summer, (yes, even my cycling is done sitting down), but now is too cold, or raining, or too early in morning, or too late in the afternoon. And for the first few times I have to go where it is very flat or else I cry.
I am always put to shame by the sight of very old French people out cycling in any weather. They are string-bean thin and pack their highly-toned muscles into shiny lycra.
Mind you, they do look really, really old. Perhaps they aren't old, perhaps they’re only in their 40s and all that outsideness has aged them prematurely and tanned and fissured their skins into oak-coloured leather.
I shuddered. Not for me thanks . . . but. . . . . then again . . . . I bet they can eat what they like.
I wrote “Buy Lycra’ on the chalkboard.
I’m eating crumpets while I’m writing this. My last packet, fetched from Folkestone on day-trip early in December. Crumpets and butter are a healthy diet compared with the amount of chocolate I have put away in the last two weeks. No. Not just the last two weeks, I mean, I could live without chocolate - I just wouldn't want to.
Every meal since Christmas Day has been made out of left-overs. Stews, soups, bubble and squeak, not-shepherds pie, stale cake and custard. Todays culinary triumph was duck and beef chilli.
“THIS IS THE LAST!” I raged. “THE DUCK STOPS HERE!”, (sorry).
Start the mantra now - I will eat proper food I will eat proper food. I will eat fruit and only eating bananas doesn't count.
The problem is that there is still the barn-door sized box of chocolates left. No chance of anything sensible happening on the food front until it's gone.
“Shall we just eat them all tonight ?” I asked hopefully.
Dave is in charge of chocolate. I prefer it that way as I am capable of eating a big bag of chocolate coins, (they do 500Euro notes too), in the 10 minute drive from the supermarket and will eat any chocolate that is roaming the house freely.
“No”.
In the end I just thought "Sod it ", banished the new year nag from my head and with considerable lightness of spirit, took the dogs out for a walk.
I am always put to shame by the sight of very old French people out cycling in any weather. They are string-bean thin and pack their highly-toned muscles into shiny lycra.
Mind you, they do look really, really old. Perhaps they aren't old, perhaps they’re only in their 40s and all that outsideness has aged them prematurely and tanned and fissured their skins into oak-coloured leather.
I shuddered. Not for me thanks . . . but. . . . . then again . . . . I bet they can eat what they like.
I wrote “Buy Lycra’ on the chalkboard.
I’m eating crumpets while I’m writing this. My last packet, fetched from Folkestone on day-trip early in December. Crumpets and butter are a healthy diet compared with the amount of chocolate I have put away in the last two weeks. No. Not just the last two weeks, I mean, I could live without chocolate - I just wouldn't want to.
Every meal since Christmas Day has been made out of left-overs. Stews, soups, bubble and squeak, not-shepherds pie, stale cake and custard. Todays culinary triumph was duck and beef chilli.
“THIS IS THE LAST!” I raged. “THE DUCK STOPS HERE!”, (sorry).
Start the mantra now - I will eat proper food I will eat proper food. I will eat fruit and only eating bananas doesn't count.
The problem is that there is still the barn-door sized box of chocolates left. No chance of anything sensible happening on the food front until it's gone.
“Shall we just eat them all tonight ?” I asked hopefully.
Dave is in charge of chocolate. I prefer it that way as I am capable of eating a big bag of chocolate coins, (they do 500Euro notes too), in the 10 minute drive from the supermarket and will eat any chocolate that is roaming the house freely.
“No”.
In the end I just thought "Sod it ", banished the new year nag from my head and with considerable lightness of spirit, took the dogs out for a walk.
I am a firm believer in - 1) grabbing hold of life with both hands and 2) the liberal use of Henna, coconut oil and mascara.
Why worry about anything else.