Roger
Our good friend Roger died two weeks ago. He was aged 74 when we met him, an old French guy who didn't like many people but who adored us. We don't know why. Maybe its because we involved him, we noticed him, we asked his opinion, we took “plenty of no notice” of his rudeness, we took him to places, we laughed at him and we let him laugh at us. We fed him - one of the few things he was never rude about was my cooking. We loved him.
You shared our lives for 12 years Roger and we miss you old friend!
You shared our lives for 12 years Roger and we miss you old friend!
He was deaf in one ear and couldn't hear too well in the other and this got worse over the years. I was usually OK because I could go into a soprano shriek- even in French - which was devastating for any innocent bystanders but Roger heard me just fine. Dave’s baritone was not so successful.
Phone calls were a tad more difficult:-
ROGER C’EST JANE
Who?
JAAANE. C’EST JAAAANE
What?
MOI JAAANE. JAAAAAAAAANE
Jane?
OUI ROGER JANE
Bonjour Jane.
WE WILL PICK YOU UP AT HUIT HEURS (note to readers - look, you have to pronounce “HUIT” as “wheat” or this is never going to work)
Bon. DIX heures (note to readers ditto for DIX= “DEESE” like “GEESE”)
NOOOO HUIT. HUIT
DIX. Good I will be ready
NOOOOOOO ROGER HUIT HEURES
What?
(in desperation) BETWEEN SEVEN and NINE ROGER - HUIT-T-T-T. the letter ”T” came out like machine-gun fire.
Ah Huit heures. Merci Jane
Phone calls were a tad more difficult:-
ROGER C’EST JANE
Who?
JAAANE. C’EST JAAAANE
What?
MOI JAAANE. JAAAAAAAAANE
Jane?
OUI ROGER JANE
Bonjour Jane.
WE WILL PICK YOU UP AT HUIT HEURS (note to readers - look, you have to pronounce “HUIT” as “wheat” or this is never going to work)
Bon. DIX heures (note to readers ditto for DIX= “DEESE” like “GEESE”)
NOOOO HUIT. HUIT
DIX. Good I will be ready
NOOOOOOO ROGER HUIT HEURES
What?
(in desperation) BETWEEN SEVEN and NINE ROGER - HUIT-T-T-T. the letter ”T” came out like machine-gun fire.
Ah Huit heures. Merci Jane
I remember being forced to put my earbuds in on one car journey because he and Annie, another old friend were squabbling and shrieking like children in the back of the car.
He loved to wind Annie up. She is very bossy and opinionated - aren't we all - but Roger had been single all his life and resented any interference in his world.
One memorable day I was driving, Annie was in the passenger seat and Roger was in the back He started telling us he’d watched a very interesting T.V. program about Peru, where they eat Guinea-pigs.
Annie is an animal lover and her world is firmly divided into eatable and pettable. Rabbits are eatable and Guinea-pigs are pets.
- Oh what a shame she said.
. . . yes they keep them in little cages. They looked very good . . . .
- Annie (misunderstanding) Yes they are lovely animals. Very friendly
. . . . mmmmm they looked very tasty
- OH LA LA! You can’t eat guinea pigs!
. . . . I thought they do for me because a Rabbit’s too big for one person
- ROGER! YOU CANNOT EAT GUINEA PIGS!
. . . . and they wouldn't need as much skinning as a rabbit
ROGER! ROGER! LISTEN TO ME! THEY ARE LITTLE PETS! ROGER!
. . . . they stewed them. But I suppose you could roast them in the oven
JANE TELL HIM.
Jane by now was laughing so hard she could hardly see to drive, but said:-
“Would you have a sauce with them Roger?”
. . . sauce of tomatoes would be good and some petits pois . . .
Annie - scandalised - STOP! JANE! ROGER! JUST STOOOOOOP!
He loved to wind Annie up. She is very bossy and opinionated - aren't we all - but Roger had been single all his life and resented any interference in his world.
One memorable day I was driving, Annie was in the passenger seat and Roger was in the back He started telling us he’d watched a very interesting T.V. program about Peru, where they eat Guinea-pigs.
Annie is an animal lover and her world is firmly divided into eatable and pettable. Rabbits are eatable and Guinea-pigs are pets.
- Oh what a shame she said.
. . . yes they keep them in little cages. They looked very good . . . .
- Annie (misunderstanding) Yes they are lovely animals. Very friendly
. . . . mmmmm they looked very tasty
- OH LA LA! You can’t eat guinea pigs!
. . . . I thought they do for me because a Rabbit’s too big for one person
- ROGER! YOU CANNOT EAT GUINEA PIGS!
. . . . and they wouldn't need as much skinning as a rabbit
ROGER! ROGER! LISTEN TO ME! THEY ARE LITTLE PETS! ROGER!
. . . . they stewed them. But I suppose you could roast them in the oven
JANE TELL HIM.
Jane by now was laughing so hard she could hardly see to drive, but said:-
“Would you have a sauce with them Roger?”
. . . sauce of tomatoes would be good and some petits pois . . .
Annie - scandalised - STOP! JANE! ROGER! JUST STOOOOOOP!
He worked as a telephone engineer for most of his life and he lost half his thumb in a work accident. He received €50 a month as compensation which delighted him. He said it was much more useful than the half a thumb had ever been and was determined to live as long as possible so he could get the most money out of them.
He was a great traveler. Several times to Tahiti and Mexico. We think he had some very good times there as he talked about it a lot and was always very drawn to dark-haired ladies. Getting creakingly polite and very smiley with them.
He let it drop one year that he had never been to the UK, so of course we had to go. We took the Sprinter van so Dave could get some DIY supplies while we were over.At the tunnel, French customs were a little baffled. They examined our passports and Dave said "He's our little brother"
“What ? You are both English and he is French?”“OUI” We smiled. Roger grinned and waved. Ever since then, he and Dave referred to each other as little brothers.
The van has three seats in the front. Dave drove, I was in the middle and Roger on the outside.
Roger lip-read a lot and because Dave was working in the UK then, his French wasn't great and his mouth just didn't make the right shapes for Roger to understand. So . .
Dave: “Are you comfortable Roger?”
Roger: (turning to me) “What did he say?”
ME: “Tu es confortable Roger?”
Roger: ”Bien Merci. What are you going to buy Davide today?”
Dave: (turning to me) “What did he say?”
Me: “He is fine. He wants to know What are you buying today?”
Dave: “I need some cement and some planks”
Roger: (turning to me) “What did he say?”
Me: “Il a besoin des sacs de béton et quelques planches”
Roger: ”What are you going to do with that Davide?”
Dave: (turning to me) “What did he say?”
By Calais I was suicidal.
Roger loved the Eurotunnel said it was “très pratique”.
We took him on the Tube, along the embankment, to look at Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, Tower Bridge and The River Thames. Then Dave took him to several shops on Oxford Street while I went for an eye appointment.
In John Lewis he and Dave spent a happy 40 minutes finding the most expensive thing in the store. This turned out to be a huge range cooker that even had a special depression for a wok. It was about £9000. Now this was 2010 so it was nearly €12,000. Roger couldn't believe anybody would spend that much money on a cooker.
Roger bought lunch - unheard of as he was very careful with his money.
We went to Brighton just for the hell of it. Roger was unimpressed. He didn't like the seaside. Never saw the point in it he told us.
On the way home we asked him which was the best out of all the exciting things we had done today. With no hesitation he said.
“JOHN LEWIS".
He ate at our house a lot. He helped us a lot. He lent us his cement mixer for all our concreting and came over to help us with all and any projects we had. Like building walls or putting the poly-tunnel up. As he got older he watched and gave advice and enjoyed the company.
We have bees and once we asked if he’d like to look at the bees in the hives.
OH! WOULD HE JUST? He had to wear my bee-suit and he laughed at how baggy it was because English women are big and strong. They go out and dig in the garden and don't wear nail varnish so they can work hard. I tried to take this as a compliment but it was difficult. After all this is the same Roger who once said to me and Annie that he wasn't sure we could both fit in the back of his car together as the seats were meant for two normal people.
It took us longer to get him suited and booted than the time it took for the bee inspection.
Oh but he loved it and was fascinated. Even the evil bees let him off and didn't attack him.
He sold off a piece of his land once and insisted with unusual generosity on buying us a honey extractor because he got more than he expected from the sale.
He used to warn us about his birthday for weeks in advance. “I’ll be 79 on the 1st of July you know” or “Soon be my birthday. The 1st of July.”
For his 80th birthday party he decided to splash out and invite friends and family to a restaurant. Perhaps twenty of us including his brother and sister and their families a couple of friends and us arrived to find the room was arranged a bit like a wedding with Roger at the top table.
He seated us on either side of him and everyone else at the lesser places. That didn't go down too well with the rest of them but Roger had a BALL.
He liked to buy something when he was invited to us for a birthday meal, flowers or a plant and explain where it came from and how it hadn't been cheap you know.
Except once when I asked him to come and he said
“Yes I’ll come, but I’m not buying you a present.”
We have bees and once we asked if he’d like to look at the bees in the hives.
OH! WOULD HE JUST? He had to wear my bee-suit and he laughed at how baggy it was because English women are big and strong. They go out and dig in the garden and don't wear nail varnish so they can work hard. I tried to take this as a compliment but it was difficult. After all this is the same Roger who once said to me and Annie that he wasn't sure we could both fit in the back of his car together as the seats were meant for two normal people.
It took us longer to get him suited and booted than the time it took for the bee inspection.
Oh but he loved it and was fascinated. Even the evil bees let him off and didn't attack him.
He sold off a piece of his land once and insisted with unusual generosity on buying us a honey extractor because he got more than he expected from the sale.
He used to warn us about his birthday for weeks in advance. “I’ll be 79 on the 1st of July you know” or “Soon be my birthday. The 1st of July.”
For his 80th birthday party he decided to splash out and invite friends and family to a restaurant. Perhaps twenty of us including his brother and sister and their families a couple of friends and us arrived to find the room was arranged a bit like a wedding with Roger at the top table.
He seated us on either side of him and everyone else at the lesser places. That didn't go down too well with the rest of them but Roger had a BALL.
He liked to buy something when he was invited to us for a birthday meal, flowers or a plant and explain where it came from and how it hadn't been cheap you know.
Except once when I asked him to come and he said
“Yes I’ll come, but I’m not buying you a present.”
His sense of humour could be a little bizarre. Dave, home from the UK for the weekend took Roger to visit someone and on the way back drove for several kilometres down the wrong side of a quiet country road. Just after a tight bend, a driver coming towards them blared his horn and swerved violently. Roger laughed and said he’d been waiting for that to happen.
He used to drive an old black car. When we went out in it I used to sit in the back in the crash position and Dave was ashen-faced in the front. Then he bought a brand new car. He loved it.
The gear-change, however, was different. Reverse gear was where 4th had been in the old car.
Lucky for me Roger liked to have Dave in the passenger seat when he drove. After one particularly harrowing journey Dave said it would be a good job when he finally wrenched the gearbox out because we’d get some respite while it got fixed.
He had new electric garage doors installed. They rolled around on a track from the front of the garage to the back and he could push the button on the control to open them well before he arrived. He loved this more than his car.
He stopped driving when he decided it was too much “à mon age”.
He loved gadgets. His garage doors, his phone, his iPad that he bought just for the hymn App. The most expensive hymnbook on the planet we used to joke. His huge new TV, his Bluetooth headphones that he thought were a wonder and a marvel. His computer and printer in its special cabinet that he bought and never used.
He started to tell us he would soon be 80 when it was a couple of years off. After 80 it was I’m nearly 90 you know. About this time “à mon age” became a frequent phrase. Things like too much sun, too much time in the garden, too much noise, were all things that were not good “at his age”. Roger was getting old before our eyes and it made us uneasy.
One winter morning we called for him and all the shutters were down. We hammered on the door, we rang his newly installed doorbell. We telephoned his mobile and his house phone. Annie phoned his brother who lived around the corner. Finally Roger came to the door on pyjamas.
“Its too cold” he said “I’m not coming out’.
He laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed when I told him we thought he was dead, that we thought he’d fallen down and died.
He used to drive an old black car. When we went out in it I used to sit in the back in the crash position and Dave was ashen-faced in the front. Then he bought a brand new car. He loved it.
The gear-change, however, was different. Reverse gear was where 4th had been in the old car.
Lucky for me Roger liked to have Dave in the passenger seat when he drove. After one particularly harrowing journey Dave said it would be a good job when he finally wrenched the gearbox out because we’d get some respite while it got fixed.
He had new electric garage doors installed. They rolled around on a track from the front of the garage to the back and he could push the button on the control to open them well before he arrived. He loved this more than his car.
He stopped driving when he decided it was too much “à mon age”.
He loved gadgets. His garage doors, his phone, his iPad that he bought just for the hymn App. The most expensive hymnbook on the planet we used to joke. His huge new TV, his Bluetooth headphones that he thought were a wonder and a marvel. His computer and printer in its special cabinet that he bought and never used.
He started to tell us he would soon be 80 when it was a couple of years off. After 80 it was I’m nearly 90 you know. About this time “à mon age” became a frequent phrase. Things like too much sun, too much time in the garden, too much noise, were all things that were not good “at his age”. Roger was getting old before our eyes and it made us uneasy.
One winter morning we called for him and all the shutters were down. We hammered on the door, we rang his newly installed doorbell. We telephoned his mobile and his house phone. Annie phoned his brother who lived around the corner. Finally Roger came to the door on pyjamas.
“Its too cold” he said “I’m not coming out’.
He laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed when I told him we thought he was dead, that we thought he’d fallen down and died.
Roger lived in the same house his whole life. It was the same house his grandfather was killed in by bomb damage caused by the Americans and the British who were bombing the railway station at St Pol during the second world war. Roger said he didn't hold it against them. His grandmother was miraculously untouched.
His uncle was a member of the resistance and has his name on the war memorial in St Pol. He died in a concentration camp. Roger looked after his mother in that same house until she died then bought his brother and sisters shares in the house.
We arrived to visit him on Monday afternoon, two weeks ago, to find his bed stripped, all the pictures we’d put on his walls in a pile on a chair and all his belongings in a bag. We knew then, but rushed to find a nurse hoping he was just changing his room.
No. She shook her head. I am so sorry. Nobody told you?
He was laid out peacefully in the mortuary in his best suit and new shirt and tie and we wept because even though we’d lost the real Roger a long time ago, this was “it”, the final goodbye, the last of his life and everything we’d shared.
As we left the home Dave said we should buy a tree for Roger. So we bought a lilac that smells divine and we planted it in the garden that afternoon.
His uncle was a member of the resistance and has his name on the war memorial in St Pol. He died in a concentration camp. Roger looked after his mother in that same house until she died then bought his brother and sisters shares in the house.
Two years ago after a fall he went into hospital and then a nursing home. We went to see him a couple of times a week and occasionally the old Roger would surface. Like when he was particularly sneering and rude about some of his neighbours saying they were nuts or useless.
He said one of them was OK because he didn't talk or say anything - EVER.
We put pictures up on his walls. Photos of him and us and our trips. A painting of a cockerel that he liked. We took him chocolate and cakes and enjoyed watching him eat them.
We arrived to visit him on Monday afternoon, two weeks ago, to find his bed stripped, all the pictures we’d put on his walls in a pile on a chair and all his belongings in a bag. We knew then, but rushed to find a nurse hoping he was just changing his room.
No. She shook her head. I am so sorry. Nobody told you?
He was laid out peacefully in the mortuary in his best suit and new shirt and tie and we wept because even though we’d lost the real Roger a long time ago, this was “it”, the final goodbye, the last of his life and everything we’d shared.
As we left the home Dave said we should buy a tree for Roger. So we bought a lilac that smells divine and we planted it in the garden that afternoon.
So an odd friendship indeed between two English hippy-types and an old, set-in-his-ways Frenchman. He was our friend and it was hard watching him deteriorate and fail.
It is a beautiful sunny afternoon here today and I know for a fact that if Roger were here he would have eaten a massive lunch and be dozing in the lounge, curtains drawn against the sun. He would probably have been very rude about someone and cackled with laughter showing the seven teeth he had left. He would have probably been to see the bees and the poly-tunnel and the ducks and geese. He would have cuddled Minnie and patted Jack. He would have asked us about the garden and what we are growing and he would have been happy. He may have made us a cake. He made the most EXCELLENT cakes.
You have to take love where you find it, sometimes in very unexpected places. You have to give it a kiss on the head and touch it lightly on the hand and give it a hug because love is the very best of what we can do for each other.
So we thank you for your friendship Roger and your love, we thank you for the laughter and for these tears too.
It is a beautiful sunny afternoon here today and I know for a fact that if Roger were here he would have eaten a massive lunch and be dozing in the lounge, curtains drawn against the sun. He would probably have been very rude about someone and cackled with laughter showing the seven teeth he had left. He would have probably been to see the bees and the poly-tunnel and the ducks and geese. He would have cuddled Minnie and patted Jack. He would have asked us about the garden and what we are growing and he would have been happy. He may have made us a cake. He made the most EXCELLENT cakes.
You have to take love where you find it, sometimes in very unexpected places. You have to give it a kiss on the head and touch it lightly on the hand and give it a hug because love is the very best of what we can do for each other.
So we thank you for your friendship Roger and your love, we thank you for the laughter and for these tears too.
My Gosh! Didn't we have fun old friend, didn't we have fun.
