OOLALA
OOOO-LA-LA Les Touristes
. . . . .
My stall is in between the beach and a statue of Jeanne D'Arc. A nice lady by all accounts, who we English burned at the stake in 1431 and who was imprisoned at Le Crotoy for a while. The town placed the statue so that she's gazing out at the town. Me, I'd have put her facing the sea rather than the town that held her captive.
I go to the boulangerie and buy a small fat croissant or a swirl of sweet brioche stuffed with raisins for my breakfast. Max, the Jack Russel, comes with me and every week beguiles me into buying him a cooked chicken sausage from the roast-chicken man. I serve customers, I chat to the stallholders. I did try to talk to grumpy old misery next door to me who cooks Paella in massive pans, but she doesn't talk to anyone, least of all someone whose grammar, vocabulary and accent are not up to scratch.
Most of my customers are French but we get lots of British tourists, especially at the coast and Le Crotoy is beautiful. I eavesdrop unashamedly on their onversations, which drift in and out of my ears.
Bearded and bicycled with neat wife with grey bob. Talking to tall greying man with trendy blue and white striped yachting anorak.
"APPLEBY! APPLEBY!" Beardy shook his head in astonishment. "Well. Small world.""Small world " echoed equally incredulous wife.
"Went down the coast to Normandy last week. Very interesting"
"Yes very interesting". Wife nodded vigorously to emphasise the interestingness.
Don't hear Anorak reply because. . . . . Oh my oh my OOOOOOH MYYYYY!!!!, Two giant poodles cut into huge silky pompoms and pillows of soft, perfumed, fluffy, floaty, fur sailed past towing a small Frenchman. All three ignoring the shrieks of adulation in their wakes.
"Yes I knew a chap that had a half-track 3 tonner F7XPQ4496ZZB99BP4 with a snorkel and flippers fitted"
Beardy practically swooned with excitement. Lost in admiration he whispered "Camouflage paint job?"
"Oh of course. AND retro-fitted steam shovel and shrimp cleaner"
“UN-BE-leivable!" Beardy had to lean on his bike as his legs were wobbly with ancientdecrepitshlouldhavescrappedthebloodything motor lust.
Wife had gone into a coma but finally rallied with. "Oh yes, there were a lot of those down there"
French Customers arrive wanting to buy ginger beer.
--"Non Monsieur. No, its not beer its an English ginger drink
-- "Oui I KNOW, it says BEER on the can. It's the English they are mad"
I do get very sick of this conversation, may have to stop selling it.
Anorak has been joined by smiley wife in matching trendy blue and white striped yachting anorak.
"Yes you swapped it didn't you" said smiley wife.
Beardy and wife have moved house Sounds like some sort of sheltered accommodation but I will never know as was very busy and couldn't pay enough attention. Still they sound happy and that's all we need isn't it?
Beardy had massive grin all over his face and hugs neat wife.
--"Non Monsieur. No, its not beer its an English ginger drink
-- "Oui I KNOW, it says BEER on the can. It's the English they are mad"
I do get very sick of this conversation, may have to stop selling it.
Anorak has been joined by smiley wife in matching trendy blue and white striped yachting anorak.
"Collapsed outside our house. Bloke on a brand new bike. Well we phoned the ambulance and left our name and address. He never came back.".
A reflective pause . . . then . . .
"I never got on with that bike.""Yes you swapped it didn't you" said smiley wife.
Did he die? Did you deliberately give the wrong address because you lusted after his bike? Or did he just go off cycling? I was desperate to know but too chicken to ask.
These unanswered questions play on my mind.
French Customers arrive wanting to buy ginger beer.
--"Non Monsieur. No, its not beer its an English ginger drink
-- "Oui I KNOW, it says BEER on the can. It's the English they are mad"
-- "Oui I KNOW, it says BEER on the can. It's the English they are mad"
Beardy and wife have moved house Sounds like some sort of sheltered accommodation but I will never know as was very busy and couldn't pay enough attention. Still they sound happy and that's all we need isn't it?
Beardy had massive grin all over his face and hugs neat wife.
"And they're all our age. Best thing we ever did"
"Best thing we ever did”